A High Achiever’s Identity Shift
If you’ve always defined yourself by your accomplishments—whether in your career, education, or personal goals—becoming a mom can feel like your world has been flipped upside down. Suddenly, the identity you took so much pride in feels out of reach, and it’s easy to wonder, who am I now?
It can be hard for driven or go-getter women to switch to the caregiver mindset after leaving the workforce. The outlets you once had for ambitions are no longer there and now you are focused on the demands of motherhood. I remember when I first had Barrett and had all these “plans” of the mom life I was going to create. Man, was I wrong - life came at me so fast. I struggled with postpartum depression, finding my way as a new parent, plus my expectations of the support I would have surrounding me were left completely unfulfilled. It was jarring to say the least.
But here’s the truth: You don’t have to sacrifice your high achiever mindset to be a good mom. The key lies in redefining what success looks like in this season of your life!
The Shift in Identity
Navigating the Emotional Changes
For many moms who thrive on productivity and achievement, motherhood can feel like you’re constantly treading water. The things that used to define your day - tangible accomplishments, hitting goals - are now replaced with endless diaper changes and trying to survive until nap time.
There were so many times in those first years of motherhood I found myself thinking about how perfect I was doing something or being overcome with mom guilt from not “achieving” what I had set out to do. Setting impossible standards for yourself like being the ideal parent or keeping a spotless house are pitfalls many moms go through. There is no way to do it all and that is a fact. These can be dangerous patterns to get into.
Feeling that sense of loss for your former identity is perfectly normal. Like I said before, I struggled for years with who I was in motherhood. For a long time I completely let it define me and sometimes totally consume me. I would wonder why I was so burned out and feeling overwhelmed juggling the kids, our home, and a business. I was paying the price with my sleep and my mornings were just straight disasters.
The key here is realizing that this version of you - both mom and high achiever - can coexist.
Redefining Success
in Motherhood and Beyond
Success for you is going to look different in this season of life. Understanding that is the first step to feeling that humongous weight lift off your shoulders. Success is going to be doing exactly what you need when you need it.
Sure, you’re still going to have times where your needs come second but being intentional about the other “moments” in your day is going to help you immensely. Your energy and time is going to be limited so you’ll have to get creative or (*cough *cough) ask for some help.
You can still pursue your passions and goals, but they might happen in smaller, more manageable steps. And that’s okay! Small progress adds up.
Practical Tips
to Find Fulfillment as a High-Achieving Mom
You don’t have to abandon your dreams to be a great mom. Here are a few ways to nurture both your ambition and your role as a parent.
Set Realistic, Daily Goals: set small, achievable goals for yourself. This could take many shapes like reading a chapter of a book or maybe incorporating some “golden time” with your child for 10 minutes a day (golden time refers to 1-on-1 time with an individual child, giving them your undivided attention in any activity they choose). For me this is the intentional process of incorporating a nighttime and morning routine into my days. These things really are non-negotiable for me.
Incorporate Personal Passions Into Daily Routines: integrate personal passions or hobbies into your daily routines. This could be listening to an inspiring podcast while doing the dishes or knitting while your kids have 20 minutes of quiet time. For me this looks like reading, writing, and diving deeper into the bible (I’ll share more about this journey another time as it’s new to many and to me!). These things fill my cup and give me a creative outlet. After this baby is born, I plan to get back into playing volleyball, a passion of mine since before middle school.
Embrace the Power of Micro-Habits: micro-habits are tiny actions that build momentum and bring fulfillment overtime. This isn’t my first push for implementing micro-habits. I love them and they fit so nicely in the life of a mom. They are small and achievable, AND lead to bigger things down the road. Introducing micro-habits into my life is the way I got started with my morning routine. Then it made me realize that something else needed to change and I started including them into my evening routine. Then wa-lah! Over months and months I now have TWO full blown routines that improve my life more than I can ever really communicate.
All that being said, it is so important to give yourself grace and flexibility. Especially when you’re in the trenches of motherhood. You won’t always hit every goal or stick to every routine, but give yourself a break from perfection. Do your best, YOU ARE ENOUGH!
Embrace the New Definition of Success
Success isn’t about doing everything - it’s about doing the things that matter most in this season. Whether that’s being there for your kids or taking 10 minutes for yourself, it all counts.
I encourage you to redefine success for yourself by reflecting on what truly matters in this phase. I would be lying to you if I said I don’t get the itch to be perfect every now and then but I work hard to evaluate my life and really dive deep into what’s important to me now. Set one small goal for yourself this week that blends motherhood and personal ambition. For me this is going to look like being more consistent with our homeschool curriculum I’m introducing to Barrett (it’s literally one lesson per week that I cannot figure out how to incorporate into our lives).
You’re still that high-achieving woman you’ve always been. But now, you’re using your strength and ambition in a new way - one that shapes the next generation while honoring your own growth.
If you’re interested in starting a nighttime or morning routine then you’ll love my resources on those exact topics! Click the links below to find out more!
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